May 18, 2010

"Life is precious, Life is precious, Life is precious, Life is precious, Life is precious"!!! You can write it a 1000 times on the chalkboard but do you really believe it, do you live it? !

I lost a friend this weekend due to a fever caused by a virus. She got her "shiney new lungs", her words, 10 months ago after struggling on oxygen for 17 years. She didn't even get a chance at life again. I declare a "foul"on life!!! In death she gave back to me something I only thought I was believing and living all the time, "Life is precious"!!! I realize of course this was a lesson I was taught long ago but it simply didn't seed itself into my brain even after my "gift of life". I will cheer everyday now and tell God how grateful I am. I will do good things unto others putting that gratitude into action. I will do it to the best of my ability each and every day. I am alive and I am very happy, I love everything and my life is everything I always wanted it to be. My dreams are my reality now!!! I hope and pray my dear family and friends that you may have the happiness and love that are in my life now. I pray for good health for all of you; and if not, that you have courage and perserverance. I love you all, make your dreams come true by believing and living in the fact that "Life is precious"!!! I promise you will be blessed.

Peace & Love,

Amy

March 27, 2010

Imagine coughing all the time for 35 years! It's hard to imagine huh? It's even hard for me to remember but I remember how it affected my life. It affected my childhood. I got teased relentlessly by other kids who didn't understand what was wrong. It embarassed me all through junior high and high school although the kids realized something was wrong with me and felt sorry for me which isn't great either cause who genuinely likes you for you or who's just feeling sorry for you. It affected my relationships with guys. Who wants to be with someone who is sick alot, coughs all the time and will probably pass on before they do, hate to say it but it's a huge relationship killer especially when your young and it's all about the fun. I was known for non-disclosure at times. All this and more, it's not all bad though, I remember at such a young age I knew I had to go above and beyond to be equal to the "normal" people in the world. It made me independent cause my parents treated me as an equal, no breaks in cleaning my room, doing the dishes and other chores around the house. I still got yelled at and was in "trouble" because I hit my brother or called my sister a name. It didn't stop me from having to participate in gym class. I ran track and was on the swim team and did gymnastics. I partied albeit sometimes too much and I danced in smoke filled clubs and stayed out all night but I lived and had alot of fun doing it. I made a good career for myself that allowed me to travel internationally and all through the U.S. I will say it again, I miss working more than anything in the world. I had a few good/bad long term relationships including a marriage. I finally married the BRAVEST man, the most NUTURING man in the world who really loves and cherishs me. I did a little of everything and I learned alot. The reason I say all these things is because I've been coughing for the past month and it seems to affect me more now then it did way back then. I'm angry, tired and just want it to stop, what's the difference now? I had an expectation. Expectation's are bad, more on that though in another blog. It's been a hard, emotional month but I survived once again. I've been on several antibiotics, had a bronch and was in the hospital for a few days. I wrecked my car. I lost my Aunt and I had a very bad attitude. The month is almost over and just like my life there is good now, I'm on new IV antibiotic for the bug in my lungs that probably came from my CF sinuses. I'm not in the hospital. I only did cosmetic damage to my little "MINI" and fortunately no damage to myself (except my ego). My Aunt is at peace now and not suffering anymore. I will miss her here on earth though. I have a better attitude and know I am cherished by my husband. It's all good, not perfect, but good. I don't have alot of expectation in life now which brings me to the point today, I'm okay!!!!!

Peace & Love, Amy

March 20, 2009-Life is tough with CF!

Life is so tough for those of us with CF. It's full of challenges! Everybody has challenges but we seem to have more than our share. I have read lots of blogs now about individual experiences and I haven't met ANY of us that don't have lots of fight in us...we are a tough lot. I have noticed how blessed most of us have been by putting someone in our life that accept's us and love's us and support's us unconditionally. Is that the hidden blessing in being born with such a disease? Lots of people don't ever get to experience that kind of love, yet we do. It's amazing that God provides us with what we need in life to survive. The will to survive is something that I believe we will never comprehend because I don't comprehend it myself. The times I've wanted to give up and there's just that little piece of something that just pushes me on. Is that God? I have to believe that it is. I know it's real, it feels real. I'm also amazed at how God has provided people to care for our disease knowing that the outcome is not always what they want for us, but yet they fight with us and for us. What a blessed gift to have. Fight for faith in all we do and we will perservere. I know I will, I believe that with all my heart.

Peace & Love, Amy

March 13, 2009-7 year's ago today!

It was 7 years ago today that I got a phonecall from Duke. "Do you want some new lungs today?" I started crying and said "yes". I will never forget how I felt at that moment. I know exactly what I was doing and where I was and who I was with, much like 9/11. The emotions are never far away. The bittersweet envelopes my thoughts tonight. In another hospital not far away a family was saying good-bye to their 13-year-old son. I cry for them now and the tears never completely dry up. A joyous occasion? I celebrate life but at what expense? That of another, I live for him, I live because of him, God gave me a gift and I will not forget to be grateful, not for a moment, not for my lifetime. This is an ode to Bradley who gave his life for mine much like God gave his life for us. How do you say thank-you? I live my life right and savor every moment. I love to best of my ability and I never ever forget why I'm here. I will never forget all the people who prayed and supported me and who cared for me during my life but more importantly I will never forget Bradley who lives in me now. I hope he is as happy as I am and has all the peace and joy that I have in life today. My life is exactly the way I always imagined it would be, "perfect". Thank you Bradley and thank you God!

Peace & Love,

Amy